Posts
Most faith traditions or denominations tend to emphasize a particular Biblical attribute of God and make it their primary lens or through which the see and experience God. My thought is that the origin behind this is usually rooted in some historical dynamic and/or cultural milieu.
I think this usually involves a particular spiritual leader, during a particular time in history, who personally resonates with a specific attribute of God's. Interestingly, whichever attribute most resonates with that leader, often correlates with how the surrounding culture responds to Christ. The emphasis of specific attributes ebb and flow according to the spirit of the age and the leaders who rise up and articulate them. That particular leader, and subsequent followers, build around their selected "attribute" a theological system and eventually an ecclesiastical structure - which almost always evolves into a relatively narrow religious subculture. At which point relationally emerges the dynamic of the authentic Christian: known as the "us" and the inauthentic Christian: known as "the others...." -Functionally regarded as: Real vs. False, Obedient vs. Disobedient, Informed vs. Uninformed, Elect vs. NonElect, godly vs. worldly, mature vs. immature, discipline vs undisciplined, orthodox vs. unorthodox, faithful vs. unfaithful... In essence: True Christian vs. False Christian...
I think it obvious that while all attributes of God are equal and historically transcendent, not all attributes of God speak to all people in the same way, at all times and in all places. Wesley emphasized holiness (as part of his "method") because of the decadence of England, Calvin elevated sovereignty [Its not what we do, but what God does] over the dogmatic tradition of Roman Catholicism. The sterile nature of Modernity mandated the use of God's love as being the foremost attribute for the great evangelist Billy Graham. Pentecostalism with its emphasis on the gifts and Holy Spirit power is blazing through much of the third and two-thirds world because those particular cultures tended to be heavily "[darkly] spiritual" and animistic. Today, the Post-Modern/Post-Enlightenment condition of our culture tends to emphasize (some times disastrously so) Immanence over Transcendence, Love and Grace more than Truth and Law and Mystery over Revelation/Dogma.
There is much more that could be said, but my point is that most denominations and faith traditions emerged because the cultural context called for primarily a particular attribute of God's to be used to convey who He is. Later they privileged and institutionalized that attribute above all others. In essence, the attribute that acted as a lens to make known the sacred, became a sacred lens that can blind those to what is really sacred.
In like manner, many denominations and faith traditions die because their primary message, predicated through a attribute of God, no longer speaks convincingly - the language is different and the spirit of the time has changed. For example, Fundamentalism rose during and in response to Modernity; and since Modernity has faded so has Fundamentalism; and those who are highly Reformed have discovered that a Post-Modern culture is highly offended by the perceived "exclusivity" of the gospel.
Metaphorically speaking the attributes of God are like the facets on the face of a perfect round-cut diamond. Each facet EQUALLY proportioned... collectively working together to project a uniform and brilliant white light. No one facet contributes to the overall nature of the diamond than any other. Some facets only APPEAR to be bigger or brighter, depending on the angle, place and time with which you observe them. (1) So it is with how we understand the attributes of God - all speak... some speak better than others in different places and at different times to different people. To hold any one attribute above all others, at all times and in all places to all people is to mis convey who God is and how God works.
This being said, those Christians who say then: "if you REALLY want to know God well, you must see Him through primarily ________________ (fill in the blank)." They are not only risk communicating God as irrelevant; but also limit the God who is (Historically this is known as heresy). Do we really want to say, based on the Biblical evidence of His known and communicable attributes, create a tradition that stipulates GOD IS REALLY MORE OF THIS, THAN HE HIS OF THAT? I guess we can... but if we do, then we do it not only to the peril of others, but to our own as well.
(1) The ONLY facet that might be larger would be the one in the middle - and it would be named "mystery."
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
EDUCATION -
When I was growing up in Washington Pennsylvania several decades ago the necessary "bench mark" for educational outcomes was much different that what it is today. To the best of my recollection, when blue collar industry was at it's peak, a High School education was often all that was necessary for most of us. School Boards chose curriculum, hired teachers and approved programs with the idea that most should be educated well enough to be competent in basic life skills and competitive for local or regional jobs and vocational choices. College was important to many as well, but the lions-share of my fellow students who pursued post-secondary education enrolled in a local college typically without much in the way of national distinction. This was the way it was in Industrial Western Pennsylvania in the 50's, 60's and 70's.
Today the purpose for which we educate our children is and must be, much, much different. The Blue Collar Industrial Complex for which many worked and made a good living is all but gone. NEVER to return... The global economic matrix mandates this. The American culture has not only become addicted to low cost goods manufactured from other countries, but utterly dependent as well. Our household budgets are predicated on our ability to purchase low cost goods made from far-off lands sold in the myriad of discount stores dotting the landscape of our county. Ironically enough most of the very people who mourn bitterly the loss of our industry in Western Pa, make almost daily pilgrimages to Walmart, Costco and Target etc. Not only do we give those retailers money out of our pocket, but that same money is now destined for international governments. We do in fact give our money away twice.
The ability for the China's and India's to produce quality goods, at a rapid rate and low cost is clearly connected to their exponential leap educationally. THEIR EDUCATIONAL SYSTEMS have caught up; and have in many cases surpassed our own educational system in the USA. Amazingly many communities, like mine, are still educating our students to compete with those from their own locale, region or even the USA (let's say at most 300 million others)... Conversely countries like India and China are educating their students at a tremendously high level to compete with the almost 7 Billion people on the planet. It has been reported for example that India, has no less than seven universities that rival our Princeton's and Harvard's. And their graduating students are in many cases not only better educated than our students; but they are willing to be compensated for a fraction of what ours would be, doing the same job. This distinction cannot be overstated.
Our pedestrian approach to education is largely responsible for: Jobs being outsourced internationally, while on the other hand international workers are moving in to the USA because corporate America" is really America (becoming globally) incorporated. The employment of Illegal Aliens and paying them low wages is in part our pathetic economic response to compete economically with workers from other nations like India and China. Our fading ability to compete globally with our labor is making us dangerously dependent on other governments that will love us only until we have no more dollars to give and resouces to hand out.
Its imperative to see that we live in a time when it is almost impossible to overspend on education. Our ability to compete economically with the rest of the world is directly connected to our commitment to educating our children to be more than competent in the workforce for decades to come. Education and being economically viable is what will continue to produce jobs, grow our communities and provide for our national security. We can either keep spending money (I.e. Education) on the grain for The Goose-That-Lays-The-Golden-Eggs; or we can foolishly eviscerate ours and extract what we suspect might be left in there. If we kill ours, not only is our Goose cooked, but now we become the grain that feeds theirs.
Thomas Friedman notes in his best selling book, The Earth is Flat the following:
"We know the basic formula for economic success - reform wholesale, followed by reform retail, plus good governance, education, infrastructure, and the ability to glocalize (export good comprehensively).
He goes on to say regarding economic development and renewal need two things:
1. A society's ability and willingness to pull together and sacrifice for the sake of economic development and
2. The presence in a society of leaders with the vision to see what needs to be done in terms of development and the willingness to use power to push for change rather than enrich themselves and preserve the status quo
Economically depressed communities like mine, and short-sighted School Boards like the Ambridge City Schools, appear to be determined to kill the goose. Modern buildings, safe and inspirational learning environments, current technology, up-to-date books and competent teachers are non-negotiable investmets if we are to keep competitive, not only as individuals but as a nation - in a world that has become incredibly aggressive economically. While its true that many of those who live on fixed incomes can be hurt from the revenues necessary to keep all of the above in place... the truth of the matter is that for most its a matter of giving up a Flat Screen T.V., Laptop and/or Vacation for a year or so... Bottom line: We either produce fodder to feed our Goose, or we become the fodder to eat for their Goose. The choice is ours...
Today the purpose for which we educate our children is and must be, much, much different. The Blue Collar Industrial Complex for which many worked and made a good living is all but gone. NEVER to return... The global economic matrix mandates this. The American culture has not only become addicted to low cost goods manufactured from other countries, but utterly dependent as well. Our household budgets are predicated on our ability to purchase low cost goods made from far-off lands sold in the myriad of discount stores dotting the landscape of our county. Ironically enough most of the very people who mourn bitterly the loss of our industry in Western Pa, make almost daily pilgrimages to Walmart, Costco and Target etc. Not only do we give those retailers money out of our pocket, but that same money is now destined for international governments. We do in fact give our money away twice.
The ability for the China's and India's to produce quality goods, at a rapid rate and low cost is clearly connected to their exponential leap educationally. THEIR EDUCATIONAL SYSTEMS have caught up; and have in many cases surpassed our own educational system in the USA. Amazingly many communities, like mine, are still educating our students to compete with those from their own locale, region or even the USA (let's say at most 300 million others)... Conversely countries like India and China are educating their students at a tremendously high level to compete with the almost 7 Billion people on the planet. It has been reported for example that India, has no less than seven universities that rival our Princeton's and Harvard's. And their graduating students are in many cases not only better educated than our students; but they are willing to be compensated for a fraction of what ours would be, doing the same job. This distinction cannot be overstated.
Our pedestrian approach to education is largely responsible for: Jobs being outsourced internationally, while on the other hand international workers are moving in to the USA because corporate America" is really America (becoming globally) incorporated. The employment of Illegal Aliens and paying them low wages is in part our pathetic economic response to compete economically with workers from other nations like India and China. Our fading ability to compete globally with our labor is making us dangerously dependent on other governments that will love us only until we have no more dollars to give and resouces to hand out.
Its imperative to see that we live in a time when it is almost impossible to overspend on education. Our ability to compete economically with the rest of the world is directly connected to our commitment to educating our children to be more than competent in the workforce for decades to come. Education and being economically viable is what will continue to produce jobs, grow our communities and provide for our national security. We can either keep spending money (I.e. Education) on the grain for The Goose-That-Lays-The-Golden-Eggs; or we can foolishly eviscerate ours and extract what we suspect might be left in there. If we kill ours, not only is our Goose cooked, but now we become the grain that feeds theirs.
Thomas Friedman notes in his best selling book, The Earth is Flat the following:
"We know the basic formula for economic success - reform wholesale, followed by reform retail, plus good governance, education, infrastructure, and the ability to glocalize (export good comprehensively).
He goes on to say regarding economic development and renewal need two things:
1. A society's ability and willingness to pull together and sacrifice for the sake of economic development and
2. The presence in a society of leaders with the vision to see what needs to be done in terms of development and the willingness to use power to push for change rather than enrich themselves and preserve the status quo
Economically depressed communities like mine, and short-sighted School Boards like the Ambridge City Schools, appear to be determined to kill the goose. Modern buildings, safe and inspirational learning environments, current technology, up-to-date books and competent teachers are non-negotiable investmets if we are to keep competitive, not only as individuals but as a nation - in a world that has become incredibly aggressive economically. While its true that many of those who live on fixed incomes can be hurt from the revenues necessary to keep all of the above in place... the truth of the matter is that for most its a matter of giving up a Flat Screen T.V., Laptop and/or Vacation for a year or so... Bottom line: We either produce fodder to feed our Goose, or we become the fodder to eat for their Goose. The choice is ours...
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
A Question From A Student Pertaining to "The Fall"
"I guess my question is: 'Why did God tear apart perfection because of one sin, did He feel that they would continue to sin?'"
My Answer: "Self-Rule" That Rules Only From The Self, Necessarily Means, that The Self Is the ONLY Rule. The Created Order Was Torn Apart Because the "Self" Ruled... rsg. 6-10-08
My Answer: "Self-Rule" That Rules Only From The Self, Necessarily Means, that The Self Is the ONLY Rule. The Created Order Was Torn Apart Because the "Self" Ruled... rsg. 6-10-08
Monday, June 9, 2008
VOLUNTEERS
This past week we finished working on the renovations to our Sanctuary. Amazing! Unbelievable! Astounding! What an incredible transformation!
Work began the Monday following this past Easter. In unbelievably dedicated fashion, a group of dedicated (mostly) men and women worked sacrificially to improve the worship center of our church. Deconstruction of walls and installation of sheetrock. Mudding, Sanding, Sweeping and Gallons of Painting. Ceiling tiles removed and replaced. Carpet ripped up and installed. Endless feet of Cable and Wire for 2 Projectors, Lights and 2 Flat Screen T.V's. Construction of a new Sound Room and a Platform in the front, the Hanging of 2 Projection Screens and a 16' Light Truss - poised to illuminate the Platform, 14 Fixtures - with 64 Million Different Possibilities! And The Endless Hours of constant Clean Up, Decorating and Arranging of Chairs.
Holy Acts That Result in the Reconfiguration of A Holy Place... For Authentic Worship, Deep Teaching and the Experience of Sacred Community... A Place For Christ To Reveal Himself... Ultimately, For People To be Reconciled To Their God, Among Themselves, Within Themselves and Within The Created Order.
As They Worked, New Relationships were formed and old Relationships strengthened. Faithful Long Time Members and Eager New Members Teaming up, Sharing, Learning, Encouraging, Debating, Consoling, Correcting and Challenging one another, ... Weeks of Aching Muscles, Sore Backs, Dust-Covered Faces, Bumps on Heads and Blood on Hands... Again and again, marshaling everything they have to make the most of those who cheerfully and faithfully loaned from their resources and freely donated to this Vision for Ministry.
Observing this I asked... Why? What do they see? What do they believe about what we are doing? Who, other than Christ, is worthy of this kind of SACRIFICE? During the numerous times that I Spoke, Watched and sometimes Worked alongside them - I found my Admiration and Respect bouncing between the display their Enthusiastic Energy, Their Great Skills, Their: 'Work Smart Ethic' and Their boundless Joyful Hearts. I was repeatedly and profoundly Humbled by their Resolute Sacrifice! It was clear to me that it was the Cause of Christ, that Caused This Sacrifice.
WHAT A GREAT CHURCH! What a WONDERFUL group of people who love their God and love their people!
Personally... This Magnificent Effort on their part, inwardly convicts and drives me to be more faithful with who I am and what I am called to do. I want to be Worthy Enough to Partner with them in those Efforts - which can only be construed as "Acts of Worship" (Romans 12:1-2) for Christ. This is why I found myself constantly Humbled - Because as their Pastor... It appears as if Nothing I have done so far in their Lives, with my Heart, is commensurate to what they did in our Sanctuary, because of their Hearts.
Use Me Lord in the Same Way... In Like Manner, Help Me To Be a Consistently Dedicated, Joyful and Faithful Servant of Yours. May Your Cause LORD, Be My Cause, To Enable the Same Kind of Beautiful, Radical and Astounding Transformation in The Sanctuary of Hearts; As They Did In The Sanctuary of Our Church.
Work began the Monday following this past Easter. In unbelievably dedicated fashion, a group of dedicated (mostly) men and women worked sacrificially to improve the worship center of our church. Deconstruction of walls and installation of sheetrock. Mudding, Sanding, Sweeping and Gallons of Painting. Ceiling tiles removed and replaced. Carpet ripped up and installed. Endless feet of Cable and Wire for 2 Projectors, Lights and 2 Flat Screen T.V's. Construction of a new Sound Room and a Platform in the front, the Hanging of 2 Projection Screens and a 16' Light Truss - poised to illuminate the Platform, 14 Fixtures - with 64 Million Different Possibilities! And The Endless Hours of constant Clean Up, Decorating and Arranging of Chairs.
Holy Acts That Result in the Reconfiguration of A Holy Place... For Authentic Worship, Deep Teaching and the Experience of Sacred Community... A Place For Christ To Reveal Himself... Ultimately, For People To be Reconciled To Their God, Among Themselves, Within Themselves and Within The Created Order.
As They Worked, New Relationships were formed and old Relationships strengthened. Faithful Long Time Members and Eager New Members Teaming up, Sharing, Learning, Encouraging, Debating, Consoling, Correcting and Challenging one another, ... Weeks of Aching Muscles, Sore Backs, Dust-Covered Faces, Bumps on Heads and Blood on Hands... Again and again, marshaling everything they have to make the most of those who cheerfully and faithfully loaned from their resources and freely donated to this Vision for Ministry.
Observing this I asked... Why? What do they see? What do they believe about what we are doing? Who, other than Christ, is worthy of this kind of SACRIFICE? During the numerous times that I Spoke, Watched and sometimes Worked alongside them - I found my Admiration and Respect bouncing between the display their Enthusiastic Energy, Their Great Skills, Their: 'Work Smart Ethic' and Their boundless Joyful Hearts. I was repeatedly and profoundly Humbled by their Resolute Sacrifice! It was clear to me that it was the Cause of Christ, that Caused This Sacrifice.
WHAT A GREAT CHURCH! What a WONDERFUL group of people who love their God and love their people!
Personally... This Magnificent Effort on their part, inwardly convicts and drives me to be more faithful with who I am and what I am called to do. I want to be Worthy Enough to Partner with them in those Efforts - which can only be construed as "Acts of Worship" (Romans 12:1-2) for Christ. This is why I found myself constantly Humbled - Because as their Pastor... It appears as if Nothing I have done so far in their Lives, with my Heart, is commensurate to what they did in our Sanctuary, because of their Hearts.
Use Me Lord in the Same Way... In Like Manner, Help Me To Be a Consistently Dedicated, Joyful and Faithful Servant of Yours. May Your Cause LORD, Be My Cause, To Enable the Same Kind of Beautiful, Radical and Astounding Transformation in The Sanctuary of Hearts; As They Did In The Sanctuary of Our Church.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Commandment 6 - Honoring Your Mother and Father
And Some Personal Reflections
About My Mom
For Mother's Day
About My Mom
For Mother's Day
On Sunday, September 16, 2007 my mother passed away into the next life. I was at my church, situated in the AV Booth concentrating on loading and mixing that mornings Powerpoint files. Uncharacteristically I had my cell phone on and out on the counter top... The little window lit up, I did not recognize the number.... it vibrated quietly on the hard surface... I stared at it momentarily, slightly irritated that I was being distracted. Thinking that it was someone related to the church - maybe calling about a health issue or their inability fulfill some responsibility, I picked it up. It was one of the health care workers from my mother's assisted living facility in Washington Pa. Her face flashed before my mind as she gave me her name and I listened intently to the urgency in her voice regarding my mother's fading life. My mind instantly flashed back.
I remember being at the Washington Hospital months before, with my brother's Bill and Bryan. The oncologist met with us in a small conference room and told us what we secretly feared. After years of suffering and pain, the end was near for my mom.
Again, my mind flashed back even further I remember in early February not being able to get her by phone... I had an uneasy feeling. Ever since her back surgery she was in constant pain. I called around to her friends. Finally I called the hospital and discovered that she had pushed her emergency call button early that morning. I jumped into my car, drove to the Washington Hospital and entered the Emergency Room. Following my inquiry they permitted me to go back into the patient examining rooms. There she was curled up, she looked at me, her face brightened visibly underneath the tears coursing down it because of the excruciating pain in her back... She looked to me as if she were a little girl whose father had come to rescue her. I hugged her trying to flood her with love while at the same time somehow absorb her pain radiating through her body. She apologized for me having to come to the hospital; she said, but she had been up all night, limping back and forth, with aimless hope in her new apartment... the pain was just too much...
A number of weeks later, she would have a slight heart attack and during her hospitalization they discovered her small cell lung cancer. Small Cell lung cancer is a carcinogenic cancer that typically attacks people who have smoked. It's very aggressive, attacks those areas of the body rich in oxygen - like the liver, lungs and bones. The tumors can grow and multiply very fast and the cancer itself is incurable. The pain can be horrible.
I will never forget the look on her face when I signed her into Hospice. Its a wonderful program that is designed to specially attend to those who will die. Almost child-like and perhaps even a bit suspiciously she watched me from her wheel chair in that crowded lounge - as I walked past her to meet with the Hospice representative. I was resolved, her suffering had to end. She wasn't even half alive, it was more like she was irrecoverably half dead.
Those kinds of decisions... no more chemo, no more radiation, no more blood transfusions, force you to look at life and death in a new kind of way... You have to make those kinds of decisions when it becomes apparent that a person moves from being half alive to half dead. With frightening clarity there is no way around the fact that the term of their life is placed squarely in your hands... These kinds of decisions, you make hastening their death, causes something to die in you as well... It is unavoidable.
I'm back at the church now... I've hung up the phone... In 20 minutes the Church service is supposed to start. Should I stay and finish the service? Will she live longer? Should I leave now and be with her, hopefully before she dies? Within minutes the decision was taken from me by the very kind and loving people in my church insisting that I leave. My family - Ruth, Jeremiah and Jordan are not at the church yet, I should leave before they come because I am not sure I want them to see my mom like that anyway...
Minutes after the phone call, and while on the road, my mother finally succumbed to her cancer about 8 months after she was diagnosed. She was barely a shell of her former self physically. The cancer and her radiation and chemo treatments had savaged her body almost beyond recognition. Her hair was gone, her facial features were terribly gaunt (and bruised purple and green from a fall a week earlier); and she appeared to be as fragile as a dry brittle stick. Without desiring to be macabre, I can honestly say that I was glad for her, for her death. The promises contained in the scriptures about the after life comforted me and gave me confidence for her. What I remember most, despite her terribly broken body are a myriad number of precious memories of her beautiful spirit that remain indelibly fixed upon my mind and heart.
While here at that stage in our lives... I was the stronger and SHE WAS THE WEAKER... but now... there... SHE IS THE STRONGER and I am the weaker... What a great and amazing thought!!!
Again my mind flashed back to the time that I was driving home from the hospital, following our meeting with the oncologist having received the news about her cancer. Fighting back tears, I considered the years of her life... truly now quickly fading... An undemanding woman, with very simple tastes, expectations and desires in life - tragically much of which was either denied, taken or inaccessible to her. Inwardly I felt the painful swell of desperately wanting to honor her; and was determined to do so as best I could at her funeral, when I spoke. I wanted the world to know what an incredibly devoted mother she was to all four of her sons. That despite the fact her life appeared to be unremarkable, it counted for something... that the world was better because of her existence.
To a fault, she NEVER stopped being a mother. She utterly exhausted herself, her resources and everything she had to make sure that we somehow had a better life. Anything that I might know about love, grace, kindness, sacrifice and service - or anything else virtuous - I observed and learned it first from her. She reminds me to some degree of ("it's someone ye'll have never heard of") Sarah Smith in C.S. Lewis' book: The Great Divorce associated with the "Tragedian," and I rejoice mightily at the wonderful thought of her new found restoration and glorification... And I look eagerly forward to our eventual reunion in the next life... only there... she will still be The STRONGER and I will still be WEAKER, because in her quiet legacy, she will have done more with her life than I did with mine.
I remember being at the Washington Hospital months before, with my brother's Bill and Bryan. The oncologist met with us in a small conference room and told us what we secretly feared. After years of suffering and pain, the end was near for my mom.
Again, my mind flashed back even further I remember in early February not being able to get her by phone... I had an uneasy feeling. Ever since her back surgery she was in constant pain. I called around to her friends. Finally I called the hospital and discovered that she had pushed her emergency call button early that morning. I jumped into my car, drove to the Washington Hospital and entered the Emergency Room. Following my inquiry they permitted me to go back into the patient examining rooms. There she was curled up, she looked at me, her face brightened visibly underneath the tears coursing down it because of the excruciating pain in her back... She looked to me as if she were a little girl whose father had come to rescue her. I hugged her trying to flood her with love while at the same time somehow absorb her pain radiating through her body. She apologized for me having to come to the hospital; she said, but she had been up all night, limping back and forth, with aimless hope in her new apartment... the pain was just too much...
A number of weeks later, she would have a slight heart attack and during her hospitalization they discovered her small cell lung cancer. Small Cell lung cancer is a carcinogenic cancer that typically attacks people who have smoked. It's very aggressive, attacks those areas of the body rich in oxygen - like the liver, lungs and bones. The tumors can grow and multiply very fast and the cancer itself is incurable. The pain can be horrible.
I will never forget the look on her face when I signed her into Hospice. Its a wonderful program that is designed to specially attend to those who will die. Almost child-like and perhaps even a bit suspiciously she watched me from her wheel chair in that crowded lounge - as I walked past her to meet with the Hospice representative. I was resolved, her suffering had to end. She wasn't even half alive, it was more like she was irrecoverably half dead.
Those kinds of decisions... no more chemo, no more radiation, no more blood transfusions, force you to look at life and death in a new kind of way... You have to make those kinds of decisions when it becomes apparent that a person moves from being half alive to half dead. With frightening clarity there is no way around the fact that the term of their life is placed squarely in your hands... These kinds of decisions, you make hastening their death, causes something to die in you as well... It is unavoidable.
I'm back at the church now... I've hung up the phone... In 20 minutes the Church service is supposed to start. Should I stay and finish the service? Will she live longer? Should I leave now and be with her, hopefully before she dies? Within minutes the decision was taken from me by the very kind and loving people in my church insisting that I leave. My family - Ruth, Jeremiah and Jordan are not at the church yet, I should leave before they come because I am not sure I want them to see my mom like that anyway...
Minutes after the phone call, and while on the road, my mother finally succumbed to her cancer about 8 months after she was diagnosed. She was barely a shell of her former self physically. The cancer and her radiation and chemo treatments had savaged her body almost beyond recognition. Her hair was gone, her facial features were terribly gaunt (and bruised purple and green from a fall a week earlier); and she appeared to be as fragile as a dry brittle stick. Without desiring to be macabre, I can honestly say that I was glad for her, for her death. The promises contained in the scriptures about the after life comforted me and gave me confidence for her. What I remember most, despite her terribly broken body are a myriad number of precious memories of her beautiful spirit that remain indelibly fixed upon my mind and heart.
While here at that stage in our lives... I was the stronger and SHE WAS THE WEAKER... but now... there... SHE IS THE STRONGER and I am the weaker... What a great and amazing thought!!!
Again my mind flashed back to the time that I was driving home from the hospital, following our meeting with the oncologist having received the news about her cancer. Fighting back tears, I considered the years of her life... truly now quickly fading... An undemanding woman, with very simple tastes, expectations and desires in life - tragically much of which was either denied, taken or inaccessible to her. Inwardly I felt the painful swell of desperately wanting to honor her; and was determined to do so as best I could at her funeral, when I spoke. I wanted the world to know what an incredibly devoted mother she was to all four of her sons. That despite the fact her life appeared to be unremarkable, it counted for something... that the world was better because of her existence.
To a fault, she NEVER stopped being a mother. She utterly exhausted herself, her resources and everything she had to make sure that we somehow had a better life. Anything that I might know about love, grace, kindness, sacrifice and service - or anything else virtuous - I observed and learned it first from her. She reminds me to some degree of ("it's someone ye'll have never heard of") Sarah Smith in C.S. Lewis' book: The Great Divorce associated with the "Tragedian," and I rejoice mightily at the wonderful thought of her new found restoration and glorification... And I look eagerly forward to our eventual reunion in the next life... only there... she will still be The STRONGER and I will still be WEAKER, because in her quiet legacy, she will have done more with her life than I did with mine.
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